...so for the first time in a long time, I logged into Crowdfire.
It's an app that shows you who has unfollowed you (and when) + also who your new followers are. It's a black hole if I'm totally honest, and I know better than to check it but somehow I got sucked into logging in. I think I saw an ad, clicked on it and decided to go down the rabbit hole.
While a random person or a business unfollowing me after a loop giveaway isn't a big deal (it's expected to some degree) I cannot seem to wrap my head around people I know or knew unfollowing me. If I spent time with you at any point of my life (we worked together at the shitty burrito place on campus, we had beers after class, we hung out in the same group of friends in college, whatever it may be) it just sucks when you realize that someone doesn't care enough about you to follow you.
Sure, sure I know what you're thinking. Are you serious? This is what's got you bent out of shape, when there's people starving in the world? You're worried about an unfollow? When social media is a huge part of your job, the support is 150% crucial and brands look at numbers. An unfollow is not only a slap in the face as a friend, but it's also a slap in the face to my career endeavors. Everyone says numbers don't define you, and sure they don't define me as a person. However, they define if I get that opportunity from Clinique or not. More importantly, beyond money and career success, it does show me if the people in my life are supportive or not. If you unfollow me, you're going out of your way to tell me you no longer care. Why would I get cocktails with you when you don't support me in my endeavors? I don't need that kind of negativity in my life. And neither do you.
I had a little vent session on Snapchat about this (my username is just 'Adaleta'), and several of you responded almost immediately saying you've had similiar experiences of "clearing out friends" because of the lack of support. Some even had huge falling outs. I won't include names, but I wanted to share the stories because I think it's powerful. An unfollow or lack of support (as a more broad topic) is hurtful and affects the people you love and know:
"I recently had a "breakup" with a friend (who I've been friends with for years!) over similiar issues. So disappointing when people who you are there for and support, don't do the same for you. On a positive side, sometimes it's a good thing to clear those people out of your life."
Amen girl, amen to that. Clear those suckers out of your life. This is such great perspective, especially for me, because I was quite frustrated over this.
If you remember my post about jealousy from a few months ago, I mentioned the story of a "best friend" of mine since middle school who sent me a rude message telling me to stop asking her to follow me on any network because it was really annoying. You know when we were growing up, we had talent and wanted a friend watch us do a skateboard trick or bounce a basketball perfectly through our legs, or do a perfect cartwheel? You asked your friends to watch and tell you what they thought, and you wanted to impress them and have their support. It's the same thing with social media for bloggers and people who utilize social media as a business.
I had a good blogger friend of mine tell me that her sister doesn't follow her on social media. Her sister just doesn't like her content, and didn't want to see it in her feed. To me, that's ridiculous and makes me sad because your family number 1 should always support you, no matter what. And number 2 there's something about women not supporting each other, her own sister especially, that really gets under my skin and makes me so upset. My brother, who could give a shit about beauty or makeup, is literally the most supportive person I know. He could easily turn his back and say "cool screw your makeup shit, I like skateboards and cars" but he is supportive and comments on every single thing I do. That is a friend, a family member, someone I want in my life. Because I will do the same thing when he wants my support for an endeavor.
It's so sad that sometimes the closest people to us offer the least amount of support. "Literally one of my closest friends went so far as unfollowing me because she said I "changed" because I was a Tomboy before. Like dang let a girl evolve into who she is lol. This was a year ago now so I don't care. I realized sometimes it's the closest people that are the least supportive. It is what it is!" This makes me sad because not only are you all so incredibly sweet, and create amazing content, but when people tell you "you've changed" because a brand sent you some lipstick you have another think coming. We haven't changed, and most of us don't. I still tear up and cry with excitement anytime a brand emails me first and asks to work with me. I don't take it for granted, and most of us don't.
"Damn girl! So sorry...jealousy is an illness and I hope those b***hes get well soon" with a ton of emojis. This was seriously, one of the funniest snaps I've ever gotten. It made me smile, and I love the sass. She's not wrong. Jealousy is an illness. I know, because I suffered through it myself.
"I went through the same thing with friends and family unfollowing me and not supporting my blog, so I was bothered big time. But then there's 500 other people who do care enough to stay followers, read my blog and support me on social media." Big fan of that positive perspective. No doubt about that, because we need to keep our eye on the prize and continue interacting with the people who do love our content.
"So very true girl. I've met more genuine people online that I have in real life. Friends and family included. If more people supported me that should, that would not only be awesome for me in general but it could also boost my numbers, which in turn helps when reaching out for opportunities." While I understand some people in my life may not care about makeup or my travels, they should still care about me as a person.
"Some 'friends' even told me that my work should speak for itself and that I should not ask anyone to like or follow me." This is beyond ridiculous. When you're just starting out, your friends and the people you've known are the network. Once they tell a person, who tells a person, etc. the network becomes more than just people you know. You didn't start off as the VP of Operations, you worked your ass off to get there. You got a job recommendation from a friend for a competing company, got promoted and then decided to go to a competitor where you're now the VP of Operations. You worked your way up and usually it's through connections or referrals, but regardless you worked your way to the top. You don't just gain a following without busting your ass, and you start with the people who know you.
"I've had the same thing happen to me. I'm pretty sure most of my friends have never once read my blog. And they never like my Insta photos or anything." What is wrong with people? Sure social media may not be your thing, and you want to be "off the grid" but can you go and click on my blog once a week? Shiiiiit
There were even more stories and snaps (thank you all so much for sharing!) but I'll end it here.
I would love to hear your stories if you're like to share them in the comments below OR you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you'd like them to remain anonymous but still share your story with me. I would love that. Also, if you have a blog or social account you'd like me to check out, leave a link to it in the comments below. I'll be sure to carve out some time to go and check your incredible work!