Love is one of the best feelings in the world. It can also be the most crippling feeling in the world. I do know one thing for sure. Most of us (if not all) need to be loved and need to love others. It’s just the way it is. I guess I should clarify that this is the kind of love you have with your significant other. This is not the parental love, or a mother’s love for her child, and so on.
What inspired me to post about this was reading a blog post from a blogger who lost her husband to cancer a couple of months ago. I went to check out her blog and see how she was doing, and low and behold she not only met someone else, but she is remarried. It’s been about 3 months since her ex-husband’s passing, which I find extremely abrupt. Sure, if you’ve met the one, go for it. The quick turnaround though is a little uncanny, but to each their own. Reading her story really inspired me to talk more about love, because we all want to be in love and we want to be loved. Sometimes the feeling is so crippling, in fact, that we suffer emotionally when someone does not love us any more or we cannot make the relationship work.
It’s such a strong feeling, and it comes in so many different ways. I wanted to share some of the things I’ve learned throughout my life about romantic love specifically:
1. It’s not a walk in the park. Sure, a lot of couples especially some of my favorite Instagram couples make it look like such a fairytale. Walking through Europe holding hands or drinking wine at the vineyards in Napa, but let's be honest. Those photos are just a glimpse into the relationship. Social media is not 100% of anyone's life. We just show you what we think you'll like. You don't want to see a video of me and my boyfriend arguing. You want to see a video where he does my makeup, or we do a game to see who knows more about the other. We always want to show the best part of ourselves to the world, so don't take it as everyone's relationship is just picture perfect. It's not.
2. It’s a two-way street. The relationship only works if both people commit to the relationship. You can't assume he's going to do all the work, and you also can't make all the effort. It's never going to work well that way. It requires a lot of communication, a lot of 1-on-1 talks, and collaboration. Being in a relationship requires both of you to participate, no matter what the situation may be.
3. Opposites attract. My boyfriend and I have a couple of things in common, but we have different perspectives and different interests. He loves cars, I love blogging. He's not the biggest fan of having his picture thing, where I'm starting to make a living from posting my made up face and my outfits on Instagram and my blog, so we aren't "the same person." I think it keeps things interesting and we learn different perspectives from one another. We share a lot of mutual loves (we both enjoy the UFC) but I think I've taken on his loves and he's taken to some of mine. He just posted his first two images on Instagram (look who's influencing who! ;)
4. Sometimes it hurts. While this is my longest and most fulfilling relationship, I have been in abusive relationships in the past. I have loved people who cheated on me, and had their eyes (and hands...literally) on someone else. It is crushing, and one of the worst feelings in the world when love doesn’t work out. The pain will pass, in time. I think it's important to know that something it sucks. Real bad. But you and that person weren't meant for the long haul, and you will find someone better who will love you (and just you) for the rest of your life. Keep your chin up, and keep moving forward. You got this!
5. Think about the other person. When you do something, think about how it will affect the other person. I learned this the hard way, by making my boyfriend get up at 8 in the morning to take me to a doctor's appointment. I never asked him or mentioned it to him, until the night before, which is not respectful. What if he had to go somewhere at 8 or wanted to sleep in? It's not cool to assume, so I think it's important to think of the other person, and in many instances you will have to put them first. Don't always put them first, but think about them in most of the decisions you make (this tip is courtesy of Kelly, my travel companion, work companion and most fashionable friend!)
6. Trust. I've been in a few relationships where I was cheated on, so I have this engrained in my head that no matter who I date, I have to be a total psycho (go through their phone, check in with them ALL the time, make sure they're texting me, etc.) I've read a boyfriend's phone in the past, and just found some of the most annoying things. While a text may mean nothing (trust me, a smiley face is not the end all be all) it's annoying and EVERYTHING you find on your boyfriend's phone can be taken out of perspective. I recommend not going through phones, things, etc. It's not good to be this person (for your own sake) and the moral of the story is don't be a crazy ass.
7. You have to be whole. It always annoys the shit out of me when I see people post about how someone "completes them" and how they weren't "whole until they met XYZ." You best come whole. No one completes you, so cut that out. You are whole and you are one person, and if you’re not, then wait until you are before getting involved with someone. It’s important to be the best version of yourself and not bring emotional baggage, because you don’t want to put your problems on someone else. Every person deserves you at your absolute best, so if you’re not there just yet, wait until you are.
What words of advice do you have? What have you learned?
BEFORE YOU GO, have you voted today?...
I've been nominated for FOUR categories in the Arizona Foothills Magazine Best of the Valley 2017 competition. It would be a true honor if you cast your votes (you can vote DAILY from multiple Gmail accounts!!!). I was nominated for the following:
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